August 6th, 2008
By Eddy
I am an unabashed Angelina Jolie fan. I am not sure what it is, yes of course she is hot, but it is more than that. She, more than any other celebrity crush, has made an impact on me, I am pretty sure she may have started my affinity for dark hair, light eyes and “crazy” girls with tattoos (though I eventually got over the “crazy” girl thing). Ask any of my close friends who my celebrity girl is and they will immediately say Angie.
Now if you ask who my celebrity guy is, I am pretty sure they would have no idea (I will give you a hint, he used to be on “21 Jumpstreet” and it wasn’t Richard Grieco)
Back to Angelina, I tend to watch most of her movies, much to my wife’s annoyance and likely jealousy (though I am not sure whyJ). I try to stick to her lighter fare type movies, anytime she tries to do a serious “grown up” movie I tend to tune out, unless there is some nudity, then I am there with bells on, I guess I still haven’t out grown that.
I am not sure this is going to look as good when she is fifty! But you never know, gotta love technology!
I sometime wonder if I will still have the same feeling for her when she is 60 years old, will the nostalgia sustain our fake relationship in her twilight. Even now I have tried to move on to a younger version (Jessica Alba, Rachael Bilson, Mila Kunis etc), but even then I still find my way back to Angelina.
Phew! I am glad I got that off my chest. Now some of you might be saying, “What the hell is wrong with him? He basically took half the review to wax poetically about Angelina Jolie. His wife is going to kill him”, while I will grant that I probably will be beaten and kicked to no end, and there also may be threats for lawyers and promises to take the kids and dogs away, I can honestly say, if I had the chance to leave my wife to be with Angelina for one day I wouldn’t do it, but if George Clooney showed up at my door, I would be missing a wife, baby and two dogs. I guess I will have to live with that double standard.
Now on to the movie, my AJ bias aside, I actually liked the movie, it was for the most part entertaining and certainly kept my attention the entire time. The movie was directed by Timur Bekmambetov, he is the director of the “Night Watch” series, which was a huge hit in Russia, but considering that I was one of 7 people in the U.S. that saw the two movies, I wouldn’t presume that you would know who he is. His style tends to be very music video and game like with a lot of slow motion camera work and digitized close up of weapons and bullets. Timur also loves to do a lot of car work, meaning chase scenes and car crash with a lot of the crazier stunts being digitized. Its like most of the movies that influenced him were the mid to late 90s actions movies like Con Air and Speed and music videos. He has an entertaining style, but since he really all about action he isn’t a very good story teller, which leaving a lot of work to be done by the viewer. This remains consistent with “Wanted”, there are way too many plot holes to get into within this review, but as I said before his style is very action oriented so much of those are probably overlooked by most people.
The plot follows an accountant (James McAvoy) who finds out that he is the son of murdered super assassin. The father was a part of a secret society of assassins (led by Morgan Freeman, who just wants to get his big check before he dies), who more or less have “Matrix” like powers, that kill people according to the will of “Fate”. The will of “fate” is found by deciphering encrypted sequences of stitching found on a loom. What? Yes, they kill people based on what a freakin’ rug tells them. The back story goes as follows: 1000 years ago a guild of weavers found that there was a code in the stitching and for some reason decided to kill the people whose names appears in the code. While this might sound like a load of crazy, to put it in perspective, much of our major religions are based on people hearing or speaking to supernatural entities or people that performing miracles based on the superpowers they were granted by higher forces It seems that weirder things can be believed in. Anyways, circumstances force the accountant to join the group and claim the position that his father vacated and avenge his death. He is trained by fellow assassin Angelina Jolie, and things just get crazier and less understandable from there.
A note on the actors, you know from the outset that this isn’t going to be an Oscar movie, so why was the venerable Morgan Freeman in the movie, it has not value to him. Here is a small scene that I imagined occurred:
(Setting: some trendy Hollywood eatery, that the stars go to be seen eating)
Agent: Morgan, how would you like to do the movie, “Wanted”?
MF: What is “Wanted”?
Agent: it’s a movie loosely based on a comic book, its ultra violent and bloody, they want you to be the head of a group of assassins.
MF: I am not sure if that is really up my alley.
Agent: listen Morgan, you aren’t getting any younger. And lets face it, while last few roles you were in were highly regard (with the exception of “The Bucket List”) you weren’t really raking in the cash. This might be you last chance. Hell, Angelina Jolie is going to get naked in it.
MF: Well G-damn, when you put it that way, sign me up, Angelina’s ass on screen is at least worth $70 million. Look at “Beowulf”, that was a bowl of crap and it still made good money.
Agent: All Angelina’s ass.
MF: Yessss sir, one more thing, I want to get my Sam Jackson on.
Agent: What?
MF: My Sam Jackson…I want to say “kill that Motherfucker!” at least once during the movie, if I am going to slum it, I might as well get grimy.
Agent: Done and Done
(they proceed to eat and laugh at the large amounts of money they are about to make while eating salads made from shredded hundred dollar bills and baby tears)
True story! !
So in the end, no this is not the most intelligent movie, but it is entertaining and if you going to go to see mindless action you might as well do it and get grimy. Til’ next time.
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